By Mary Reynolds Powell

Author: A World of Hurt: Between Innocence and Arrogance in Vietnam

In May, 1971, I was stationed at the 24th Evacuation Hospital in Vietnam. In July 2018, John Schaninger, a patient, found me after securing hospital records for a VA claim. Our connection has helped heal both of us.

Working in Internal Medicine, I cared for soldiers with illnesses not usually connected with war: malaria, encephalitis, typhus, septicemia, gastrointestinal bleeds, pneumonia, and cardiac problems. Some arrived on stretchers; others dragged weak bodies through the door saying, “I’d have to get better to die.” John was typical. His records, covering two weeks, filled 401 pages. Here are excerpts from our exchange:

July 25, 2018:

Mary, I wanted to write to say THANK YOU AND PLEASE THANK ALL THE NURSES! I don’t know if I was nice or nasty, but in retrospect, I sure was grateful for the help. I was diagnosed with Cellulitis, Staph Septicemia, Bilateral Pneumonia and Endocarditis.

It was an extremely painful time; I wondered to myself more than once if I should just hold my breath and quit, because my reward for getting better was to go back out in the bush for another five months. But I decided to live anyhow. On day seven, the doctor told me I was going to recover. I asked: “When do I go back to the bush?” He replied, “Didn’t I tell you? You’re going home!” Stunned and incredibly happy, I could feel the tension inside me drain away. All the nurses and doctors were caring and helpful.

July 26, 2018:
John, I’m in tears. I’m so glad you felt we cared about you and all the guys. I wish I could remember you. It was always so busy; everyone was so sick. THANK YOU for reaching out to me.

August 10, 2018:
Mary, I felt sad I made you cry, but upon reflection realized you had never been thanked for your care. As for me, I am fine for the most part. I hope all goes well with you and yours. Feel free to contact me or to use what I have told you if you wish.

August 10, 2018:
John, I burst into tears when you said we had provided good care. We had so many very sick guys. To hear you could feel our caring was priceless. We had a great team of nurses and corpsmen. I connected deeply when you wrote that you considered holding your breath, because your reward for getting better would be to go back to the bush. Long after coming home, I realized that was the deepest pain we nurses felt and we couldn’t talk about it. To return you guys to health and then send you back to the bush was the worst, and we couldn’t talk about it! Your reaching out closes a circle in a way I hadn’t imagined.

August 12, 2018:
Mary: Thank you very much for your note. It affected me very deeply. I sobbed and I have never let myself cry. I never wanted to hurt you. I just wanted to say thank you. I was shocked I made you cry and felt terrible about it. I now know that it did not hurt you, but helped you. At that time, I said to myself, “damn it, you did it again.” I rarely spoke with anyone about those times. I never even told my parents about those times to avoid hurting them. I just kept it inside. It stunned me that I helped you with closure about those times. (As if there could be closure).

October 30. 2022:
Mary: I am sure what we both felt has been felt by many, but most have never been able to communicate with others who shared the pain. Everyone buried it inside. Discussing it was almost considered a sin. We were told to suck it up and shut up. We were considered cowards because we could never forget it. Once more, thank you,

Mary and John have remained close friends as John has wrestled with more issues related to his experience in Vietnam. They met in person in October 2022. The Connection continues …….